This was written December 2018 but never published…
I have been silent lately because I am not accustomed to feeling the way I have felt over the last few years. Ever since my motherhood journey began, I have become acquainted with exhaustion, being overwhelmed, and feeling like I can never really finish anything. This journey has had its fair share of ups and downs, but I always seem to bounce back. I’ve always jumped back on the bike of life and found spaces where joy, excitement, creativity, and passion exist…until I turned 40.
Right before my 40th birthday, I found out that I needed a tooth implant. Before children, I had never even had one cavity. Due to neglecting my own health during my pregnancies, I ended up having four cavities and needing one root canal. Mommas…take care of yourself. At 42, I found a lump in my breast. Luckily, it was only a cyst. However, the weeks it took to get the feedback from the doctor were emotionally straining. At 43, a polyp was found in my uterus and a growth was located in my right ovary. I go into the hospital this Friday for a surgery to remove the polyp and to definitively confirm that no malignant cells are present. I am used to being so strong and in these last few years, I’ve had to face moments of being vulnerable in ways that are uncomfortable.
It also didn’t help that when I entered my 40s I was joined by my oldest son who was entering his pre-teen years, also known as the second toddler stage.
I’m so used to having it all together and writing from that space. I kept waiting to feel better before I started blogging again…
Seasons of Motherhood 