Can Routine and Romance Exist Under the Same Roof


Let me withhold the suspense and give you the answer to this question.  The answer is a resounding YES…with a few strings attached.  As a mother of three children all under the age of four, this theory has been tested often in my marriage.  My husband and I had children right away, so we did not stay in the “honeymoon” stage for long. 

We loved each other and enjoyed being parents, but the responsibility of parenthood and marriage took a toll on our relationship early.  We began having transactional interactions and intimacy (physically & emotionally) decreased to an unhealthy level.  During a conversation one evening, we discussed how we were both feeling and decided to take steps to regain the romantic part of our relationship.  Here are three things we did and continue to do in order to stay connected romantically.

1.  Communicate:  Communication is God’s gift to us to use wisely in our relationships.  As it relates to romance, sharing what helps you feel intimate towards your husband is very important.  As much as I want my husband to just “get it,” he doesn’t.  This is a shared responsibility.  I have found that when I communicate my feelings to him in a respectful way, he is more than willing to try to meet my needs. 

2.  Pray Together:  One of the first things we realized was missing was quiet time with each other daily.  We were starting our day without pausing to have a quiet moment together.  Some days passed when we never even connected on an intimate level.  When we began to wake up a few minutes early to read a scripture and pray together before the kids woke up, it did wonders!!  Hearing my husband pray for me helped me know that he really was concerned about me.  This also allowed us to set the tone for how we would relate to one another each day versus jumping immediately into the responsibilites that were before us. 

3.  Date Night:  This is a MUST!!!  Put date nights in the budget.  Every couple needs some extended time alone without the kids.  If you can afford it & have the babysitting resources, stay out overnight at least once a month.  Sometimes I have to remember that I’m funny, sexy, smart, and have more in common with my husband than just the kids.  I think it’s healthy that he remembers I am still the same person, with a few minor modifications, that he married.  And by all means, please have sex!  Don’t miss the opportunity to connect with your husband in this way without fear of the kids waking up or walking into the room.  Take some time before this night to find something to wear that makes you feel sexy again if you haven’t felt that way in a while.  Buy some new perfume and get your hair done professionally!  I’ve even taken an exotic dance class so I could have a few new moves.  Whatever it takes for you to mentally and physically prepare to receive your husband, do it!!  As a wise person once told me, love is a decision, not just a feeling!

While this list does not exhaust all the possibilities, it’s a good start if the routine and responsibility of marriage have smothered the romance.  I encourage you to use some things from this list and begin to build one of your own.  Also, remember that a relationship is a living thing, so what works in one season may not work in another.  That’s where communication comes in.  You must stay in tune with one another so adjustments can be made when necessary. 

So YES, routine and romance can exist under the same roof as long as close attention is paid to the relationship.  Now, go enjoy your husband!!

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